Pabst Snatches $124 Million Deal From Bud as “Exclusive Provider” for Kid Rock’s World Tour

Anheuser Bush’s big Bud Light mistake is panning out nicely for Pabst. The brand’s famous Blue Ribbon beer, otherwise known as PBR, will be the exclusive provider when Kid Rock comes to town.

It doesn’t matter which venue it is, how large or how small. Kid Rock has secured a Bud Light-free experience for people looking for the true anti-snowflake eveneing.

Bud Light Executive Director Joe Barron says the company is restructuring now to figure out what to do with the more than 5,000 barrels of product it had produced specifically for Kid’s tour.

“Unfortunately,” said Barron, “we’ll probably take a hit on those. Bars don’t want them either.” This reporter was eager to point out that this is often how the next dumbass story in a series like this gets started. “So be it,” Barron responded, “when in Rome…”

Senior Correspondent Dan Russel confirmed that Romans do, in fact, do Rome-like things while in Rome. Here in America, however, things are different. Here, when you go woke, you go broke.

“Romans don’t go woke nearly as much as Americans,” said Russel, “and in some places, people say they technically don’t exist at all.” The sentiment is often debated on the steps of very old buildings in the city.

Pabst says it will absolutely follow Kid Rock all the way to the Vatican if they must. God Bless America.

Related Posts

Is Meghan Markle About to Outshine Princess Kate on Social Media?

While Meghan has had a rough few months in the public eye, there’s growing talk that she’s planning a comeback online. If she revives her old lifestyle…

Will Trump think his seat at the Pope’s funeral is a snub?

Donald Trump is expected to have a ‘third-tier seat’ at Pope Francis‘ funeral mass despite being among the first to confirm that he would be attending the…

Cinnamon and Honey: The Most Powerful Remedy Even Doctors Can’t Explain

For many centuries, honey and cinnamon have been prized across various cultures for their remarkable ability to promote well-being. Ancient civilizations, such as those in Egypt, China,…

Kevin Ford worked at Burger King for 27 years

Kevin Ford worked at Burger King for 27 years without missing a single day — not one sick day, not one day off. When he was recognized…

Tears, Triumph, and Tiny Toes: Fox News Star Kat Timpf Finally Shares Her Baby’s First Photos After Two Emotional Weeks—You Won’t Believe the Sweet Nickname and Adorable Habit That’s Melting Hearts Across the Internet

After two challenging and emotional weeks adjusting to life as a new mom, Fox News personality Kat Timpf has broken her silence with a deeply personal reveal….

Single Mother Is Humiliated at the Supermarket – What Michael Jordan Did Next Left Everyone Speechless

At a quiet Chicago supermarket, a single mother, Jasmine, was embarrassed when she was a few dollars short to pay for groceries. The manager mocked her, but…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *