HBO Offers Roseanne Barr $20 Million To Cross the Picket Lines and Write a New Show

Roseanne Barr is definitely a controversial person. She makes no excuses for her personal views or the sarcastic, satirical methods she uses in her dialogue. Her recent standup routine and podcasts have earned her critical acclaim from across the media world.

What many people seem to forget, however, is that she’s also one of the most talented writers in modern television history. HBO, which has been hit hard by the writer’s strike, has definitely not forgotten.

The network offered Roseanne $20 million to cross the picket lines and write a new show. “We figured if anyone would want to say ‘stick it’ to the Hollywood elites, it would be Roseanne,” said HBO Program Manager Joe Barron, “We feel like she’s a good match for our creative flow.”

Roseanne isn’t registered with any unions and could start writing and negotiating for acting roles as soon as next Wednesday.

Why next Wednesday? Why…because it’s hump day, and Roseanne will have several humps to get past before she can get going. “First,” said Barron, “We’re going to need her to admit to all the dumb things she’s ever said, including to her former castmates. We’ve already secured the rights to record that debacle for $10K and a year’s supply of smokes. Not the generics, either. Rosie demands the good stuff.”

Barron says he’s not really sure what kind of show Roseanne will write, but he assures us she has complete autonomy to conceptualize. “I was thinking about doing something about a middle-class family from Chicago,” she told fans at Roseanne-a-Con, “Maybe with a twist. Like…make the mom a racist or something.”

Whatever Roseanne ca=omes up with will be worth watching, patriots, which is all that really matters. God Bless America.

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